A Final Past Life Memory – 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #20)

To my surprise, in Massage # 20, a past life memory emerged, in parts, from muscles which have been the focus of several massages – diaphragm (front bottom rib cage), QL (lower back), psoas (abdominal) and adductor (upper thigh).  Releasing this memory was excruciatingly painful, physically and emotionally.  Though the energy of its tragic details is to some degree, over a week later, still with me, the massage also gave insight into gender relations, both inside the body and between men and women.

The details of this past life memory first emerged in the QL muscles.  As mentioned, our internal poverty – concerns about money and material support - are often held in the lower back.  Within my QL muscles, on the right side, arose a sense of devastation, of having taken a risk failed.  Within this masculine energy there was a loss of confidence in the ability to provide material support for loved ones and others.   On the left side was a sense of an abandonment and concern for those who would bear the guilt of this perceived. 

The scene was a homestead in the plains region of the United States.  Sometime in the 1800s.  It was a winter so severe, snow piled drifted high enough to block the windows and doors of the cabin where I lived with my husband.  Though I was expecting a baby and nearing labor, we did not send for the midwife.  Because of the snow we doubted we could get to the midwife or that if someone were to travel to her, that they would be able to return to the cabin to tend to me.  Therefore, we decided to ride out the birth alone.

Interestingly, in this past life memory release, as Louise worked on the left side of my body, I experienced the feelings and perceptions of my feminine, or emotional body.  Because of this I had the sense that when Louise moved to the right side, I would get the perspective of my masculine energies.

Initially, I told myself that work on my right side would give me insight into my husband’s experience.  However, my angelic guides interrupted my thoughts.  “On the right side,” they corrected, “You will learn how your spirit body experienced the events on this snowy homestead in this alternate reality (past life).  Your husband’s experience was related to, but is not the same as, the experience of your spirit body.” 

I found this observation interesting.  The message here was to draw the attention of women to our own spirit bodies in order to help us distinguish between when we are picking up on the feelings of the men around us and when we are discerning the experience of our own masculine energies.  (It goes without saying that both men and women embody both masculine and feminine energies.  It also goes without saying that this dual consciousness is not unified and that masculine and feminine have unique experiences, even while housed in the same body and responding to the same events).

Back in the past life memory, on the homestead barricaded in snow, a few hours before going into labor I sat reading.  As I read, the thought, “I am going to die,” flickered in my mind.  As the thought registered, a fragment of my spirit floated out and away from my body.  Though part of my spirit left, its leaving did not signify the beginning of an inevitable death.  Rather, this part of my spirit split off because could not withstand the intensity of the emotional experience of its feminine counterpart, it could not be present with the terror of death.  This aspect of my masculine energy split off in order to avoid feeling what it did not want to feel. 

The birth itself was violent and produced a stillborn child, one would had died in the womb two weeks earlier.   My husband attended the birth uncertain of how to help.  I sat, cradling the lifeless baby, staring into its lifeless face, wondering how finally death would take me and yet not wanting to share my suspicions of my impending death with my husband. 

(for more, see next post)