No Justice, No Peace! - 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #17 continued)

No Justice!  No Peace!

As Rose worked the muscles on the back right side of the torso, my inner-attorney asserted that the old way of doing things must prevail even at the expense of renewed purpose, enhanced quality of life, increased potential, solutions to pressing problems and improved health and vitality.  He argued that different ways of viewing life and truth cannot work in harmony and that meaningful change – for me or for society - is neither desirable nor possible.  

I am beginning to see that in his current state my inner-attorney is not a team player.  He is unwilling to be a member of a governing body of equals, a committee if you will, made up of the various aspects of self – including the feminine, the inner child, the conscious and subconscious minds, the heart, and the body to name a few – aspects united in the goal of remaking the inner-society (and economy) of Ahnday into a system better equipped to honor life. 

Instead, my inner-attorney rallies for the supremacy of his own world view.  He brings numbness to my arm and tightness to my lower back.  He sabotages through non-cooperation.  Instead of contributing his insights on to how best to achieve a common goal he stubbornly argues his point.  I suspect that his voice may also be at the core of insecurities and uncertainty as to how best to pursue my spiritual calling.  He is the naysayer, unable to see the shortcomings in his own approach – for instance, that the cost of practicing law was, for me, too high. Working in the demanding and unforgiving legal profession meant that I was often physically ill and/or emotionally out of balance.

In attempting to reach my inner-attorney - this part of me that does not want to let go into the new - I am left to wonder:

What, in my make-up of this inner-attorney does not allow him to see that this approach does not encourage the wellness of our whole being?  Why does he not see that a better way is not only possible it is in fact where we are going?  Why can he not concede power without a demand, even where the concession is to the self?

These are my questions.

“It’s really interesting how stubborn this right side is its efforts to hang on!” Rose commented while jostling muscles in the right shoulder area.

Rose held my lower leg in her arm and worked the area behind my knee just above the knee joint.  As she worked familiar defenses of anger surfaced and I saw that I had some resistance to seeing the emotional reality buried within the tissue.

After a few moments these defense began to clear and an image flashed in my mind. It was a picture of crowds demanding an end to government corruption first in Egypt and then in Tunisia.  Accompanying this image was strong emotion – resilience, a sense of purpose, self-confidence, self-respect, certainty, righteousness, outrage and rage.  This emotional energy fueled the protests and persuaded citizens to take the risk of demanding justice – because it is time, because it is right, because they have the power.

Next I saw an image of an outline of my body.  Housed within it was my inner society - the different aspects of self that make up my psyche and inform my consciousness.  My inner-attorney stood in the right torso while all the others formed a wave of energy which, as it gathered speed and height, projected a singular demand that my inner attorney step down from what has been his position of leadership. It seems that there is a parallel transformation happening – within me and these countries – as to what energies will rule and on what terms.

I mentioned this to Rose.  I felt just a hint of consternation.  The reflection of Egypt and Tunisia shed new light, leading to new, anxiety-filled questions. 

“Okay,” I said to Rose, “I get that my inner-attorney, because he was unwilling to change, is being overthrown.  I get that in Egypt they pushed the president out.  What I don’t get is what happens when the revolution, however peaceful, is contained a within one body, mine? Will there be tanks, riot police?  Do I need protest signs?  Where will my inner attorney go when he steps down?”

Rose laughed.  Underneath my humorous tone was a pressing concern.  If my own personal process exists as microcosm of larger, potentially violent social change, what then of the war? How might it be waged - possibly to my detriment - with my own energy system?

(for more, see next post)