Humbled – 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #10)

I received Massage #10 from Rose at the Well-Being Center for Health in Monroe, WA.  Rose likes to be called by her middle name - to protect her privacy – an instinct I believe supports her uniquehealing practice. 

For Rose’s part, her technique is always exceptional if only because she manages to manipulate tissue and move energy in such a way as to expose that which is both undiscovered and unexpected. Her last treatment has left me feeling raw, grateful and a stranger to myself.  It is as if I cannot identify exactly what has moved in me though I sense that is something important and I wait for it to be revealed. 

Rose is trained in massage therapy and energy work.  She also shared that she has a teaching degree.  I imagine that this training is a foundation that has allowed Rose to develop a massage modality that is her own and also to communicate deeply with clients about their process.  I can only describe the treatment she gave me on Sunday as humbling and in a good way.  Rose is an honest person and honesty - the ability remain centered in one deepest experience - is a crucial quality for a healer as it gives the client the permission to do the same. This is an important quality because it is only through deep revelation of the self that healing can occur.

Rose and I did a long session – one and ½ hours.  Because I was born with the structural irregularities in my feet I want to give them extended focus right from the start. Rose worked primarily on my lower extremities.  I started the massage lying on my stomach with my face in the face cradle.  Rose held my left ankle, doing energy work and following up with subtle movement and light massage.  As mentioned in a previous post, I have suspected that experiences in a past life – for instance, having my feet bound or ankles chained – are somehow woven into my physicality and therefore help to determine the structure of my feet and legs.  As Rose worked it was as if I could these past life experiences unwinding from within my foot as a thread pulled from a hem. 

Later, I turned over to lie on my back and she worked extensively on my right foot and then later on the QL muscles at my waist.  The tension in these muscles is still very intense.  As Rose put it, having them worked on is like have a “deep ache” relieved.

When I left the session my mood was energetic in spite of the fact that I had not eaten.  I could feel the difference in my legs where she had done so much intensive work.  I trust Rose’s instincts.  I imagine that it will take a few days or even a few weeks for me to come into conscious awareness of just what Rose’s complex work has brought.  I can’t wait!

Too Much Goodness - 20 Massage in 2 Months (Massage #9 continued)

Inspirational rock art in Room #3 of the Well-Being Center for Health on Hill Street in Monroe, WA

I had Massage #9 with Aiden at the Well-Being Center for Health.  Although the focus of the work has now shifted from shoulder and neck to feet and ankles, as Aiden pointed out, “It’s all connected.”  Aiden massaged my feet ankles, legs, gluts, midsection, shoulder, and neck carving out an anatomical trail that may begin to uncover any connection between what is hidden in my feet and what has emerged in the neck and shoulder area. 

                                                                                                                

On the way from feet to neck, Aiden stopped to check in on something called the QL muscle or quadratus lumborum, a muscle shaped like an irregular rectangle. The QL connects in the waist area the lowest rib, the iliac crest (curve at top of the pelvic bone), and transverse process of the lumbar spine (bony knobs projecting off of vertebrae in the lower spine). When Aiden pressed into my QL muscle, I felt a sharp sensation in my groin.

I assumed that the muscle connected somewhere in this area but Aiden indicated that that is only where the pain is referred. For instance, he said, he feels any sensation from his QL in his stomach and that pain from the same tight muscle will be felt differently in each person. I found this interesting as it seemed to signal one way we can each experience the body differently and how each person’s unique energy can interact with the body. The tightness in my QL was so intense it was all I could to breathe through it. Accordingly, I had no opportunity to discover the emotional contents. Maybe next time!

Thanks to the amazing work done by Richard in helping to move the past life memory out of my neck, Aiden, like Jennifer before him, was able to massage my neck with ease. A welcome development after 42 years of trepidation over having my neck touched! Although the emotion was not intense, during Aiden’s massage I was aware of more defenses coming to the surface in my neck along with flashes of some not so pleasant images like my head hanging in a noose!  (My poor neck, it may have seen it all!)  Perhaps more past life memories will come in time.  If this is the case I will be ready!

In truth, I have never had a bad massage at the Well-Being Center for Health. In this massage marathon, each therapist has demonstrated skill, compassion and an ability to use their gifts to unravel one more piece of the puzzle. Within this, my experience with Aiden was unique.  As I dressed and walked out of the massage room I felt literally encased in a cloud of warmth.  I felt light and happy to the point that I had to sit down. “Too much goodness. He did something to me,” I muttered as I sat in the lobby collecting my thoughts.

It’s All Connected – 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #9)

Aiden Savoie-Gavosto, massage therapist

I received Massage #9 of 20 in 2 months from Aiden Savoie-Gavosto at the Well-Being Center for Health in Monroe, Washington. Click here to read more about Aiden’s practice.

Before the massage Aiden and I talked about the changes in my neck and shoulder and the need to focus on feet and ankles. In addition to the physical discomfort I also mentioned that as with the neck my feet and ankles held some past life memories.

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” he said, “If there’s connection between your neck and feet.”

I had not considered this possibility. However, as Aiden worked my feet, energy began to move in my neck.

As a spiritual healer I work primarily with the unseen – the realms of feeling, thought, consciousness, and spirit. When puzzling over an issue I will see it first in spiritual terms. During the massage, Aiden rattled off the Latin names for muscles and explained how my pigeon-toed feet play out in the physical, in the realm of the body.

(Please forgive me if my descriptions are less than technical. I am a spiritual healer, not an “anatomesiologist,” the term I have coined for an anatomy expert!).

“Physically,” Aiden began, “You say you’re pigeon-toed and that this affects the alignment in your hips. This could mean that you have a medial rotation. I am the opposite, my feet point out. I have a lateral rotation of the piriformis. For myself I have a lot of tension in my hamstrings, gluts (short for gluteus) and lower back so I get these areas worked a lot.”

(I looked it up. The piriformis is a hip muscle).

Aiden said that there are several legs muscles, including the gastrocnemius – that calf muscle that is often so sore in my leg – that attach in the heel and foot area. He pointed out that between all these muscle connections and the body’s fascia - that net of connective tissue that extends in all directions and surrounds all organs and muscles – it’s all connected.  He also emphasized that even though we all share the same basic body structure, each body and person is unique.

Aiden likened the connection between my feet, hips and neck to a bed sheet which if pulled in one corner changes shape in the far corner on the other side of the bed. 

(Aiden’s bed sheet metaphor got me thinking. What if I could overlay the Jin Shin Do acupressure points in Avery’s handouts over a, map, or even better, a 3D representation of the body's anatomy. Would this reveal an interface between the spiritual and physical realms?)

As he worked my right ankle he smoothed the muscles in the direction of the heart. Through the burning sensation of fascia waking up I felt my defenses come to the surface: anger and a desire to push away. Because I trust Aiden, and because of what I had learned with my neck, I decided to let my defenses dissolve so whatever is underneath can be revealed and healed.

While my right ankle and foot held anger and blame, the left foot told a different story: one of hopelessness and futility. Neither, as yet, told the story of what had happened to cause this relationship between right and left, male and female.

Aiden pressed into a band of muscle in my gluts. As he worked, the same emotional patterns found in my feet expressed on the right and left in my hips. This is not surprising given what I had discovered about my right shoulder and the rule of my inner – attorney, that skeptic and curmudgeon who allows my feminine, the one who has less problem relating to the spiritual, limited room to dance. As Aiden pressed into each hip, I drew in a sharp breath but before it became audible he had adjusted the pressure so that I could both release and relax. He was paying very close attention to how I was reacting to his touch.

I asked him how, as a massage therapist, he gathers information about what each unique body needs. He replied that he uses his knowledge of the body and his intuition. He emphasized that he listens to his client and observes how people carry themselves because gait and posture carry clues as to what is going on with the body.

(For more on Massage #9 see next post!)

New Direction: Feets & Ankles! – 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #8)

My feet - bunions, overlapping toes and all!

I had Massage #8 with Jennifer at the Well-Being Center for Health in Monroe, WA. Before talking about this massage I should let you know that massages 1-7 brought unexpected progress to my neck and arms! While these parts will continue to benefit from a few minutes of attention in future massages, it’s time to put the main focus elsewhere.

I’m choosing to focus on feet and ankles because, frankly, I neglect them. I was born with bunions, overlapping toes and arches that are flatter than most. This means that I have trouble finding comfortable shoes and my feet can cramp painfully when swimming, running or oddly enough, when I’m dehydrated. I’m also a bit pigeon-toed with ankles that can feel weak. This affects the alignment in my hips. The long and short of it is that my feet and ankles are often sore.

On an emotional level, I already know that past life issues affect the comfort level and perhaps even the structure of my feet and ankles. In one lifetime, I had my feet bound. In another, I was a slave with a chain around my ankles. While people say they’ve seen worse bunions than mine (I’ve been able to avoid surgery through yoga, rolling a tennis ball under my feet and exercise) when I look at the shape of them they look as I imagine feet carrying the imprint of binding would look: the body of the foot is vaguely convex, has a lifeless feel to it and seems compressed into a tight space. The toes also curve downward and seem to huddle together. Because of flat arches, balance can be an issue!

My feet are also fragile, so having deep massage work on them could also be a challenge. According to my human anatomy coloring book (Kapit & Elson) there are 25 bones in the foot, including 3 in each toe, except the big toe which only has two. Not only this there are 3 arches (medial, lateral and transverse), a fistful of joints, an occasional sinus, an Achilles tendon, several ligaments, plus some fascia (connective tissue) - all of which help hold the whole thing together. (Compare this with the thigh which is easily 4-8 times as big as the foot and only has one bone – the femur!). Energetically, the feet have two main chakras, or energy points, that help keeps us grounded to the Earth and engaged in a healthy way with life. On a metaphysical level, the energy carried in the feet determines our ability to move forward in life, to be stable, motivated, balanced and self-supportive. 

I explained the situation to Jennifer and asked if she was comfortable working deeply on my feet and ankles. She said, “Yes.” She added that even though in a typical massage school curriculum feet are studied, they are not necessarily a huge focus. Nonetheless, any good massage therapist should be able to extend their training to focus effectively on most areas of the body including the feet. Jennifer is a good massage therapist so I expected good things. She also said that it is not unusual for a client to ask for a whole hour to be devoted to hands and feet.

She did some work on my upper body but focused mostly on ankles and lower legs. She used her thumb to loosen up fascia (connective tissue) that over time has become compressed into the muscle. The feeling of fascia loosening is for me a sort of itching, burning, hurts-so-good sensation. As she worked I notice one of Jennifer’s skills – she has the ability to find a muscle’s edge and stay on that edge. By this I mean, she has the uncanny ability to sense just how much pressure tissue needs. Any less pressure and no progress would be made in the body. Any more pressure would bring pain, clenching and an inability to relax, relaxation being one key to healing.

Emotionally, I noticed that in my ankles were defenses similar to those in my neck before the past life memory of drowning was liberated. While there was no fear in my ankles, there was the same dark energy of not wanting to be touched, of anger and of shouting (silently and inside of myself, of course) to “leave me alone!” and “stop trying to help!”

After my massage with Jennifer I felt balanced, refreshed and anxious to find out what lies within the complex system of tissue and energy called the feets and ankles!

I Have Not Been Entirely Honest

Before going on to talk about massage #8 with Jennifer at the Well-Being Center for Health on Hill Street, I have a confession to make: I have not been entirely honest.

You know that mysterious terror that comes when touched on the front or sides of my neck – that is now reduced to manageable apprehension through these first seven massages? Well, a couple months back, before starting this massage odyssey, there was a clue, in the form of another past life memory.

It went something like this:

Terry, a friend who is also a healer, came for a visit. After seeming to mull it over for a while he offered to do what he called a spinal cord clearing. 

“Okay,” I said.

I pushed pillows off the day bed that doubles as a healing table. I started to pull the bed out from the wall.

“Oh, that won’t be necessary,” he said, “I’ll just sit on top of you for this one.”  He sat in a chair in front of the window in his denim overalls, a mason jar with double bags of green tea cooling next to him. Terry is in his seventies. He grew up in the country and then had an awakening of his own. Like most of us, his spiritual journey has taken him a long way and then not so far from his roots. Among other things, he teaches fire walking – the art of walking on hot coals without getting burned.

“What!?” I said.

“You’ll lie on your stomach and I will straddle you so I can get to your spinal column.”

I had never heard of this. Terry and I have different training. His sessions have always been very good. I shrugged. “Okay.”

I lay down. Terry climbed onto the table. He started at my tailbone. He began pressing his thumbs into points on either side of my spinal column and turning them in half circles before moving on to another set of points higher up. As he worked his breathing became labored. He began to sweat under his overalls. Because he was not moving around much I guessed that the energy was intense. Either that or he was tuckered out.

After 10 minutes, I felt Terry press his thumbs into the skin on either side of my neck. As he turned his thumbs, I lost consciousness. I descended into myself and into a black cloud. Just as quickly the cloud dispersed. It flew outside my body and surrounded me like a halo. Within the cloud, I saw a hand so dark it seemed to be made of shadow or void. It reached over the top of my head, curled its fingers into the crevices between my brow bones and eyeballs and pulled upward. My chin lifted off the table. As I stared upward at the hand holding my head, another, just as dark, came from the right. It held a knife. In one motion it slit my throat.

Although I had been killed I was aware – as one is aware of the whine of an airplane flying in a distant corner of the sky - of Terry sitting on top me, breathing harshly, the smell of his sweat. As with the time a few weeks ago when visited by angels, at first I did not know what was happening. Was Terry the culprit coming to slay me or the healer helping to restore me? 

Because I had not seen this memory coming I was unprepared. For a moment, I lost track of my surroundings. Within terror I struggled to stay conscious. It was all I could do to restrain myself and quell the impulse to scream, flail, push Terry off of me and fight him for my life.

It took 10 minutes to resurrect this memory. Like tearing off a bandage it was that quick. And then, it was over.

As I came to, I registered just how hard Terry was breathing.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

He climb off the table and sat on the floor on his knees trying to recover his breath.

Terry emailed me later to say he had fainted after our session. He’s okay but we haven’t done any work since then.

___________________________

So, that’s makes the memory of drowning in a sinking car, the one resurrected by Richard in massage #6, memory number 2 behind the neck issues.

There, now I’ve told you a little more everything.

Catharsis at the Hand of Jin Shin Do

Map of energy meridians in the body.  The gall bladder meridian is the green one running a zig-zag up the middle of the body.

I took a detour from massage and got a Jin Shin Do session from Avery at the Well-Being Center for Health. It was a powerful experience,

Jin Shin Do, a form of acupressure, originated in China. Avery gave me a pamphlet called the Jin Shin Do Handbook authored by Iona Marsaa Teeguarden. The Cliff’s Notes version of how Jin Shin Do works is that it nourishes the body and mind via 12 meridians – or bodily energy channels. It clears the channels and connects them with the larger flow of universal life force energy. This flow in turns feeds the organs and other body systems accounting for the healing effects of the modality. The pamphlet described the flow of energies through the body according to an internal clock, a clock in synch with nature’s calendar. The 12 meridians are said to correlate with the 12 months of the year, the human body an allegory for the structure of natural time.

This is certainly the way I felt when I left the session – like one very small though relax and happy curve within a larger spiral of life, as if I could keep my body alive simply by breathing in air or pulling sunshine in through my eyes.

Avery put it this way, “In Jin Shin Do, in Eastern medicine, the body is described as an extension of nature, as nature itself. It is talked about in these terms, the body is fire, or wood, or metal, it is wind, it is water, it is moist, it is damp.”

Because of the changes going on in my life Avery and I decided to focus on my gall bladder meridian for the session.  This is what the pamphlet (page 38) has to say about the gall bladder and its meridian:

“The attitude of all the other organs originate in the energy of the gall bladder. In our complex world, with its greatly increased stress level, armoring along this meridian route is almost universal – especially in the neck and shoulder areas” and can lead to tension and headaches.

The pamphlet also describes the gall bladder as effecting decisions, assertiveness, judgments and planning, and as governing one’s ability to be fully oneself.

This made sense to me. I have been distracted by tension in the neck and shoulder area. Life changes are forcing me make a whole new set of decisions, to plan carefully and be assertive in the process. For instance, within the last 10 days I coaxed discouraged workers at the copy shop to reprint my business cards when the software and the card cutter were malfunctioning, talked to my nearly grown son about taking on more adult responsibilities, got my web hosting company to finally cancel my account due to compatibility issues, talked to my business development consultant about missing deadlines and let my cranky, uninspired inner-attorney know that he does not get to rule this life anymore, even from his perch in my subconscious. I could see the potential of a clearer, more energized system - my judgments and planning will follow suit.

Avery started the session by holding points at my shoulder and neck. After some time she moved to my leg. At the outside of the calf she worked on a point called Yang Mound Spring and at the thigh, Wind Mountain. The leg points were tender. At her touch I drew in my breath sharply. As she worked the points I felt sudden and intense rushes of energy through my torso and head – something like a sheet being drawn up and over me, yet extending through my being, a fabric with the texture of electricity or fine sandpaper. On the top of one foot, Avery spent time working a point called Foot Before Weeping.

After the session, on my way out of the Center, Richard asked me about the 20 massages. “It must be a lot of emotional processing for you,” he said.

Richard was right. That night I took myself to the movies. Perhaps it was the influence of Foot Before Weeping, or the memories of drowning, the relief of being freed from fear and then also an internal dictator. Maybe it was the sheer intensity of the whole process. Being the only one in the theater late on a Monday night I wept through the entire showing of “Little Fockers” and enjoyed every minute of it.

I Exist: A Detour into Jin Shin Do

"If I heal on a massage table and science can not prove it, do I exist?"

I tried something new today. Avery, a talented massage therapist at the Well-Being Center for Health in Monroe, Washington, doubles as a Jin Shin Do practitioner. Chick here for a picture of Avery. Avery described Jin Shin Do is an ancient healing art originating in China. It is a form of acupressure based on the same energy points that are used in acupuncture. 

What is clear about Jin Shin Do is that in the body it takes advantage of the same highway system for moving energy – kundalini channels, energy points, chakras and meridians – that are at play in Reiki, acupuncture, cranial-sacral, reflexology, shamanism and other alternative therapies. What is not clear is precisely how Jin Shin Do works. During the session Avery and I puzzled over this question, delving into the mystery being half of the fun.

At the start of the session Avery indicated that she was trying to decide between two Jin Shin Do energy paths: one that focuses on the central channels of the body and another that works on the gall bladder meridian.  The gallbladder it seems has many functions, one of them being to hold the energy of personal truth. Given the civil war percolating in my right arm - and that I am become more public with my spirituality and healing work - I suggested we focus on the gallbladder meridian. She agreed.

Cranial-sacral therapy, like Jin Shin Do, has an enigmatic side to its personality. Through cranial-sacral work with Tasha and Richard, I was able to physically feel movement inside of my body followed by an emerging awareness of my own buried psychological patterns. Over time this has led to a change in physical symptoms in the form of reduced arm numbness. 

I’ve started to notice another pattern – in my book and on-line research into alternative healing methods.  A controversy brews around cranial-sacral therapy, Jin Shin Do and energy medicine in general.  Science can find no explanation and even within people partial to these forms of healing, the inner workings are an unrevealed mystery. There is plenty of testimony out there about the positive impact of alternative healing methods on health and well-being. There is also vociferous scientific and medical opinion to effect that the healing practices that have improved my life, exist only within my mind. 

I try not to let the fact that science and medicine can not account for my experiences bother me. However, I will admit that sometimes it puzzles me, the fact that the highly educated men and women we rely on to research and report back to us on how to sustain health consider the fact of my improved condition biologically implausible!

The central question is this: How can it be ‘implausible’ if it has happened?

I am left to wonder: If I am helped by Reiki and the way Reiki helped was imaginary, does that make me imaginary? Does the fact that cranial-sacral therapy is apparently non-existent render my arm and shoulder phantom parts plagued by phantom numbness? Will I wake up one day to discover that all the energy workers and massage therapists, my body, its aches and pains, my apartment, my computer and my cat are just figments of my imagination?  Do I even exist?!  

Rather than wring my hands in existential despair I realize that I will have to decide for myself.  As the controversy rages on I have a life and within that, a purpose.

I hear a small drum roll as if someone is using toothpicks like tiny drumsticks against wood. It is the sound of my fingers against the table top while I mull it over. 

Okay, I’ve decided. 

It’s official: I exist.

(For more on Jin Shin Do treatment, see next post).

Good News & Massage Therapist in a Mask! – 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #7)

Jennifer Turek giving a massage.  (Don't be surprised if you look up and see your massage therapist wearing a hospital mask.  Therapists at the Center for Well-Being wear masks when working on head, neck and shoulders to prevent the spread of cold and flu germs!)

Good news! As a result of the hard work and unique gifts of therapists at the Well-Being Center for Health on Hill Street in Monroe, Washington I am not only gaining insights into my subconscious patterns, the physical situation is improving markedly as well!  (Because the subconscious and physical are linked, changes in one bring changes in the other!)

Not only is the numbness in my right arm much less persistent and pronounced, I have moved on to registering light dread as opposed to sheer terror upon having the front and sides of my neck touched.  

I went into this massage marathon confident of results. After all, there is a reason that massage is so popular. What I did not expect is improvement in chronic issues at just over1/3 of the way to reaching the goal of 20 massages!

This trend continued with a fantastic massage from Jennifer Turek. Jennifer, who you may also see at the Center's front desk without her mask - has a sweet, understated demeanor. She also has a well-tuned finesse for applying pressure and an ability to tune into the body to create flow, release, balance and relaxation. She is a careful listener who matches her technique to the stated needs of the client. Click here to see a picture of Jennifer.

Jennifer, like some other therapists at the Center, learned massage at the Spectrum Center School for Massage in Lake Stevens, Washington. I looked up the school on-line. Apparently, the school as been commended by the Washington State Board of Massage for its high academic standards. The school’s website describes massage as follows:

“Massage as a form of touch is an extension of heart felt communication.”

This sentiment came across in Jennifer’s massage.  After placing heat packs on my body she began gently kneading the backs of my legs through the blanket. I asked her what purpose it served and she said, “I’m saying hello to the body and getting it warmed up.” I realized that is exactly what this initial touch accomplished, a way of helping the body settle in from the pace of daily activity to the centered, resting state of massage. 

Next Jennifer worked on my legs which I appreciated. For those of you who’ve been following this in the first blog post I said I wanted to focus on tight leg muscles as much as on back and neck issues. Jennifer focused on areas of tension and adapted pressure as needed. 

Also, there was a moment of victory. Before we got started I told Jennifer about the past life memory of drowning released in Massage #6. I asked her to work on the sides of my neck to test for improvement in my ability to handle touch in this area.

Jennifer firmly massaged this area with no mind-numbing fear on my part. It appears that Richard’s massage was powerful enough to liberate me and my neck from a heavy layer of its former servitude. I still felt some inklings of fear and flashes of a few less-than-comforting images, so I suspect there may be more to release, but I feel that the hardest part is over.  Here’s me smiling and breathing a sigh of relief!

I will be seeing Jennifer again next Tuesday and I can’t wait.  I felt wonderful after this massage!

Attorney on the Ganges – 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #6 continued)

Something else happened in massage #6 with Richard Oliver. The massage and cranial-sacral work on my neck revealed that the fear stored there had to do in part with a past life memory of driving off of a bridge and the choking feeling of drowning in icy water. 

On a brighter note, my inner-attorney, the one who’s been hanging out in my shoulder, the one who brings numbness to my arm whenever I sit down to write, the one who objects to all things spiritual – well, he and I came to a new understanding. 

During the massage Richard pressed his fingers firmly into the muscles at the inside of my right scapula and held them there.

“Now, release,” he said. 

I took a deep breath and let the muscles relax under his fingertips.

“Good. Again.”

Another breath.

“Excellent. Even outstanding!” he said. I tried to tell myself that his compliments were silly but in truth it felt great be told I was doing something well – even if I was just releasing tension from my body. 

“Whatever you’ve been holding in your shoulder,” he said, “it’s not good for you. You can just let it go.”

I said nothing but as Richard continued the massage I waged a protest of thought. “Of course I know that having a raging attorney – one who always has to be right, one who demands that I abandon the Divine, that which is to soul as air is to body – squatting inside my arm is not the way to true happiness! Do you think I don’t know that!”

And then, “I know that this attorney has been a subconscious influence - holding me back in ways I have not been able identify - the only clue to his existence the numbness in my arm! Now that he has surfaced, I know it’s time to let him go!”

Under the kneading action of Richard’s hands, my internal rant continued. “Knowing is not the problem! Do you think I want my arm to be numb! I don’t know what to do! I don’t know how!”

Then it occurred to me that Richard's comment was less of a criticism and more of a suggestion about how to get the letting go done. I could literally let go. It was an approach I had not tried. 

As Richard massaged, I focused into the energy in my shoulder. I found my frustrated, unshaven, intractable inner-attorney sitting at the end of a dirt road on his brief case in his brown suit. His arms were folded across his chest. He looked away from me and down at the ground. I took him by the arms and told him goodbye. I imagined myself opening my hands and the feeling of him falling away from my touch. 

Next thing I knew, in the middle of the massage, I had traveled to India. My attorney floated on his back down the Ganges River still wearing the brown suit. Pink lotus flowers were piled on his chest. There were crosses over his eyes like the ones on dead cartoon characters. I felt energy lift out of my shoulder. My outlook brightened. I saw that I had moved one more layer and that bit by bit I am moving forward.

And more than this I want to know: If and when the dead float down the Ganges River, are they ever allowed to wear their suits and if not, why?

Past Life Memories - 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #6)

Richard Oliver in massage room #4 at Well Being Center for Health

 

I received massage #6 of 20 from Richard Oliver, one of the founders of Well-Being Center for Health in Monroe, WA. We scheduled a longer session to leave time for focus on the neck area. Some interesting things came up. 

For most of my life I have experienced intense fear when someone touches the front and sides of my neck.  Until now I have not been able to get to the root of this reaction. 

I am comfortable enough with Richard to let him touch the front and sides my neck. Richard worked using cranial-sacral therapy and light massage on my neck. He used small, light motions. He wrapped his hands around my head and extended my neck with gentle and subtle movements. For my part I focused on overcoming fear, on relaxing, and on resisting the occasional urge to get up off the table and run away so that Richard could do what I had asked him to do: help me heal. For this part of the massage, he kept his eyes mostly closed and seemed deep in concentration.

What I saw first is that I had defenses protecting me. These defenses are what cause me to jerk away when my neck is touched. After a few minutes of massage – and deep breathing on my part - these defenses began to dissolve. What came next was a feeling of asphyxiation. (I saw why did not want to be touched – to avoid this feeling!). I was trapped in a small space. Blue bubbled up around me.

I told Richard that I felt as if I were drowning. He took his fingers off my neck. With concern on his face he asked me if I wanted to keep working through it to which I replied, "Yes."

Because I have had no near-drownings in this lifetime I realized that I was most likely experiencing a past life memory. As Richard continued his work, the memory became clearer. I was strapped in the front driver’s seat of a car. I had driven off a bridge and into a lake. Ice cold water filled the cabin of the car. Submerged, I looked to my right and saw my small son drowning. The futility of our situation registered and I put my fingers to my mouth. 

I opened my eyes to find myself on the massage table, Richard’s hands at my neck and my fingers resting on my lips. I closed my eyes to go back into the memory for there is no way out but through and up. 

Back in the pain, I saw someone standing on the bridge screaming. The last thing I remember is dying, fading into oblivion, a light going out. Death was the sound of our potential falling away, our lives folding closed like the shutter on a camera, and then also of disappointment, of not wanting it to end that way, of not wanting to have killed my son by driving off a bridge.

(For more on massage #6, see next post)

The Importance of Self Care

I am scheduled to receive massage #6 of 20 at 4:00 pm today. I’ll be working with Richard Oliver, one of the founders of the Center for Well-Being. We’ve scheduled a longer session (1-1/2 hours instead of the usual 60 minutes) and will be focusing on the neck area using both massage and cranial-sacral techniques. Massage #6 will be featured beginning in tomorrow’s post.

In the meantime, I wanted to talk about importance of self-care.

If this were a television show featuring extreme healing there would be a message flashing on and off at the bottom of the screen:

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!  CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL!

This caution is not meant to discourage anyone from pursuing the healing work they want.  It is meant to draw attention to the very real possibility that intensive work - like doing 20 massage in 2 months - will bring emotions, thoughts, energy and physical issues that are both healing and challenging to handle without proper support.

One of things I find most rewarding about the spiritual process is moving into new territory, both within myself and with others. I like the sense of adventure – of wading into the uncharted aspects of self and life – of finding solutions and discovering gifts that surprise and delight.

By its nature, the growth process also brings challenges which are meant to carry us forward. As I mentioned in the first post on this blog, if I were my client I would have a serious talk with me about the pros and cons of intensive body and energy work on deep issues within a short period of time. 

The truth is that the reason that I am willing to do 20 massages in 2 months is because I am committed to self-care. I also have 15 years of professional and personal experience studying and undergoing spiritual initiations, working with intense emotion and caring for the body and psyche. Likewise, my body is able to accommodate high volumes of energy, something that allows me to facilitate healing for myself and others. In other words, it is because of my personal and professional experience, as well as my energetic makeup, that I feel I can care properly for myself in this process. (And even within this, the massages have brought a level of emotional intensity that I have had to attend to through taking breaks, eating living foods, walking in nature, doing yoga and meditating).

If it were not for this professional and personal experience, I would likely spread the work out over a longer period of time so as not to tax my support systems or bring surprises I am not prepared to handle. (For instance, it is not unheard of for healing work to bring small or large traumas to the surface. Often the person accesses a new level of personal power as a result. As a rule of thumb, the faster healing, the bigger the issues and the deeper they are buried, the more intense the emotions and other possible challenges).

Everyone has a different path. Lean toward something that feels beautiful for you.   

If your idea of beauty is slow, contemplative and filled with miraculous colors, like a sunset, then set this tone for your personal work, allowing once in a while for a thunderstorm or overcast sky. 

If your idea of beauty is the full-bodied sensory experience of crashing in a one person canoe down the rapids of a river swollen with spring thaw, then by all means create this type of experience for yourself - and while you’re doing it keep in mind to purchase paddles that help you balance. Wear a high-quality helmet and a life-jacket that will hold your head above water in the event that the river of energy you have called forth flips your boat and knocks your head against a rock on its way to submerging you in its healing current, causing you slip into your unconscious self. 

All experiences serve a purpose.  Use the experiences of others as a source of information and inspiration. Apply discernment and loyalty toward self in determining what is right for you. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the intention to live happily and passionately within a learning curve that is not negatively destructive to yourself or your loved ones.

Scapulae and Ringing Cedars - Massage #5 of 20

This sand bowl - with objects for meditation and relaxation - sits on a table in the reception area at the Center for Well Being on Hill Street in Monroe, WA

I received massage number 5 in 20 from Louise at the Center for Well Being in Monroe on Hill Street. Click here for a photo of Louise. 

Before the massage, I caught Louise in the hallway studying my chart as if trying to gain insights into the puzzle that is my shoulder. She and I had had an opportunity to talk briefly about the numbness in my right arm but to tell the truth at the time I did not want to put any more focus on my neck and shoulder woes. I was in the mood for a simple, relaxing massage.

I don’t know Louise well but I have gathered that she is a person of some depth and caring. I also detected that she may be a bit wild, in the way, for instance, that the wind is wild. It was not anything she said or did to mimic the wind specifically and she is always very professional. I say this based only on a feeling or sense about the potential of what she carries inside of her. In fact, this was my second massage with Louise and I was looking forward to working with her specifically because of the experience she created in our first massage together.

Even before the advent of this massage marathon, I was always asking for help loosening up shoulders, shoulder blades, arms and back. Prior to working with Louise I had not thought of being wind-like as a quality that would make a difference one way or another in a massage. However, after our first massage, I began to see it differently. Something about Louise suggests a wealth of experience - a way of moving into and expanding narrow passageways - like her work with autistic children - allowing her to notice and respond to needs both subtle and important. 

In our first massage, though I had not asked for it, Louise brought a sense of gentle focus as she worked my scapula muscles. She also talked in musical tones about a book, The Ringing Cedars of Russia, and the way the author - this is what I took away from the conversation - describes the beauty and healing power humans can tap into by connecting with the Earth. Louise's inspiration was clear and bell-like, so much so I imagined it recalled the ringing of the trees in this book. I was persuaded to put the book on hold for myself at the local library. (It’s a popular book, so even weeks later I am still waiting for my turn to check it out!). 

I have heard that the shoulder blades of adults tend to be held tight - as if glued - to the back from the pressure of tense and contracted muscles. The scapulae of children, however, are loose and bony by comparison. Children can be so relaxed in their bodies that when looking at a young one from behind you’ll often see two scapulae protruding as bony triangles. After my first massage with Louise my shoulder blades were so loose I could feel them sticking into the chair back as I sat at my computer. I took this sudden boniness as a good sign as it is important to maintaining muscle health to give chronically tight muscles opportunities for relaxation.