Attorney on the Ganges – 20 Massages in 2 Months (Massage #6 continued)

Something else happened in massage #6 with Richard Oliver. The massage and cranial-sacral work on my neck revealed that the fear stored there had to do in part with a past life memory of driving off of a bridge and the choking feeling of drowning in icy water. 

On a brighter note, my inner-attorney, the one who’s been hanging out in my shoulder, the one who brings numbness to my arm whenever I sit down to write, the one who objects to all things spiritual – well, he and I came to a new understanding. 

During the massage Richard pressed his fingers firmly into the muscles at the inside of my right scapula and held them there.

“Now, release,” he said. 

I took a deep breath and let the muscles relax under his fingertips.

“Good. Again.”

Another breath.

“Excellent. Even outstanding!” he said. I tried to tell myself that his compliments were silly but in truth it felt great be told I was doing something well – even if I was just releasing tension from my body. 

“Whatever you’ve been holding in your shoulder,” he said, “it’s not good for you. You can just let it go.”

I said nothing but as Richard continued the massage I waged a protest of thought. “Of course I know that having a raging attorney – one who always has to be right, one who demands that I abandon the Divine, that which is to soul as air is to body – squatting inside my arm is not the way to true happiness! Do you think I don’t know that!”

And then, “I know that this attorney has been a subconscious influence - holding me back in ways I have not been able identify - the only clue to his existence the numbness in my arm! Now that he has surfaced, I know it’s time to let him go!”

Under the kneading action of Richard’s hands, my internal rant continued. “Knowing is not the problem! Do you think I want my arm to be numb! I don’t know what to do! I don’t know how!”

Then it occurred to me that Richard's comment was less of a criticism and more of a suggestion about how to get the letting go done. I could literally let go. It was an approach I had not tried. 

As Richard massaged, I focused into the energy in my shoulder. I found my frustrated, unshaven, intractable inner-attorney sitting at the end of a dirt road on his brief case in his brown suit. His arms were folded across his chest. He looked away from me and down at the ground. I took him by the arms and told him goodbye. I imagined myself opening my hands and the feeling of him falling away from my touch. 

Next thing I knew, in the middle of the massage, I had traveled to India. My attorney floated on his back down the Ganges River still wearing the brown suit. Pink lotus flowers were piled on his chest. There were crosses over his eyes like the ones on dead cartoon characters. I felt energy lift out of my shoulder. My outlook brightened. I saw that I had moved one more layer and that bit by bit I am moving forward.

And more than this I want to know: If and when the dead float down the Ganges River, are they ever allowed to wear their suits and if not, why?

20 Massages in 2 Months - Massage #3 (continued)

A photo of three fish in the tank at the Center for Well-Being on Hill Street in Monroe, WA. I couldn't get them to hold still for the photo - maybe they are shy like Rose.

Next Rose moved to my right shoulder. She cupped her hands over it. I had asked her to convey to me any intuitive messages that she picked up. After a moment of silence she spoke. 

"In the scapula there is guardedness. And on the shoulder near the collar bone it is as if there are soldiers guarding and protecting. You are waiting for proof or a sign. Whatever you are holding there is related to the spiritual work you are doing. Definately." 

She added, "When I looked at your shoulder I saw that your synapses were firing all over the place. Very intense brain activity. I thought, 'Hmmmm, she's a thinker' ...and you've got more than one conversation going on inside of you!"

This message of soldiers and doubt and brain activity and conflicting conversations was one more layer of the puzzle and a deeper revelation of what had already been concluded: I was having trouble letting go and my logical brain was working over time- like an attorney seeking a "stop work" order to prevent the demolition of a building - a demolition that in all likelihood was going forward anyway.

Now, as I write, I think of the soldiers and wonder, "am I, in ways I have not seen, at war with my own spiritual nature and therefore, the spiritual forces that guide me? Is this numbness a disability imposed by doubt, a confinement of the arm, that which is necessary for writing and communicating and which therefore prevents me from moving forward?"

Next, Rose did some very light work on my shoulder as if to coax release. Then she did some deeper work on my trapezius and scapula muscles. She addressed the conundrum of my aversion to having my neck touched.

"You might be more comfortable having work done on your neck if people let you know ahead of time when they are going to touch your neck and what their intentions are," she said. This was sound, practical advice I could implement.

Though Rose had for the most part done light tissue work I felt very calm and centered at the end of the massage. I worried out loud about falling asleep on the table when I was supposed to be getting dressed. “No worries,” she said, “there’s nobody right after you. Take your time.” She closed the door behind her.

In the last analysis Rose’s massage was not only educational it left me feeling great and relaxed in a way that I had not experienced before. I would definitely get a massage from Rose again!

Rose's messages inspired me to have a conversation with my right arm. That night I sat down and focused in into the numbness. An image appeared. It was me in my attorney self. I was dressed in a brown suit. As if to emphasize the male energy with which I worked, I took a male form. I wore a tie. Even better I was unshaven and sweaty from spending two days and two nights drafting at a feverish pitch the perfect legal argument which I was prepared to present to the court, or in this case, the spirit world. I stood in front of them holding a brief case, looking bleary-eyed and desperate. As I begin to speak they preempted my words. 

“This is not a negotiation," they said simply

“What?” My attorney mind was cloudy from days of nervous and tedious plotting of what was an admittedly difficult case. I was having trouble taking in what I was hearing.

“This is not a negotiation,” they repeated

This was news to me, for if it was not a chance to set the terms upon which I work, to convince them of the importance of my position, then what was it? And then again once more I said, "What?"

For the third time. “This is not a negotiation.”

A fourth time, with more vigor, as if to penetrate the lingering, sticky perplexity, "This is not a negotiation!"

I reflected on the soldiers and their implements of war. Since the awakening I see more. Though what I see is sometimes frightening it is just as often fascinating. I had no idea - until I looked - that a battle of this intensity, complete with spirits, guns, an army and a legal case upon which everything seemed to hinge, raged inside of me! And within the plain curve of my arm and shoulder! Had I, in a way I was just now becoming aware of, approached the spirit world as the enemy or opposing counsel, offering the terms of a hostile settlement in lieu of trust, cooperation and partnership? And if so, on what was my mistrust based?  I have a hunch that the answer dwells in the mysterious fear in my neck.

20 Massage in 2 Months - Massage #2

A large Geode filled with naturally occurring amethyst and citrine sits inside the front door of the Center for Well-Being in Monroe, WA.

I received massage #2 in this series of 20 in two months from Karen Joy from the Center for Well-Being on Hill Street in Monroe, WA. I’d actually hoped to wait a few days for my next massage and then I discovered that Karen is leaving for Hawaii tomorrow. While there, she will act in her capacity as lay minister and marry a friend she has known since childhood. In order to catch Karen I scheduled my next massage for 4 pm today.

Karen is amazing in many ways. Least of all because more than one person, without really thinking about it, has found themselves calling her by her last name, Joy. I think this is because of the strong healing energy that often radiates from her. I am one of those people who calls Karen "Joy".  I also call her the James Bond of massage world, Agent 007, because she always seems to have at her disposal a fascinating new gadget or gizmo that she is using to extend new benefits to her clients. (In case you’re wondering, as of this writing, my relationship with the folks at the Center for Well Being is professional – I experience great massage while I’m there – so I want to write about it).

My favorite gizmo so far is the Amethyst Biomat by Richway. The mat is a kind of heating pad with some amazing extras that always enhance the quality of the massage. I looked the mat up on line.  It – along with a few accessories - retails for about $1500.00. (As far as I know there is only one mat in the Center so if you go there for a massage you may have to request it. If you can get it, it comes free of charge with the massage). To call the Biomat a heating pad does not begin to do it justice although keeping the massagee toasty, comfortable and relaxed is part of its function. With the mat I can feel the difference. I notice that I am both more relaxed and energized.  

The mat is filled with something like 25 pounds of crushed amethyst crystal. That’s a lot of amethyst! I’m guessing that the sheer quantity is part of why it’s effective.  I’ve used amethyst in my own healing work and it is a rock of some power. By analogy, as a microwave heats water, amethyst helps rid the body of toxins that can contribute to tension or disagreeable moods. Part of the way it does this is to help open the body to healing energies while neutralizing influences that are not so helpful. (Though you definitely wouldn’t want to put your body in a microwave, it’s safe to do so with amethyst!)  (Speaking of amethyst ... pictured above is the large geode filled with naturally occurring amethyst and citrine crystal positioned just inside the Center's front door... a rock which undoubtedly adds to the good vibrations of the place).

The Biomat has some other features which I will save for a later post. On to the massage!

Karen Joy is also Reiki practitioner. I have found that between now and last Tuesday the numbness has cropped up in my right arm again. To have numbness recur is not unusual but I am determined to find some new tools to tame this old challenge...

(for more see next post)